Adventures in Babysitting - Legion of Terror Style
by Skaoi
Summary: Completely inspired by "Things Maze is No Longer Allowed To Do" by Aeshna cyanea on AO3. If you haven't read it, you really, really should.


Chloe hears the doorbell and looks up from the pile of dime-store trinkets covering her counter. She walks quickly to answer the door and is immediately engulfed in a bone-crushing hug. She laughs as she extricates herself, "I think you're more excited about this than Trixie is, Ella."

The forensics tech bounces on her toes then reaches behind her before walking in. She's pulling a large, wheeled bin with multiple drawers that she rolls into the living room area. "Right?!" she gushes. "Dude, I love birthday parties! Thank you for asking me to help!"

The detective eyes the bin, "So, what's all that?"

Ella smiles, "You asked me to do face-painting, right?" She continues at Chloe's nod, "This is how I paid for school. I do sugar skulls and stuff for my nieces and nephews. Pretty intricate. Takes a bunch of tools, knowhati'msayin'?"

"Ah. Um. Okay," Chloe agrees. "You remember this is a birthday party and not Dia de los Muertos, right?"

"Oh, sure!" the younger woman agrees, "but the skulls are still pretty, right? Great for any occasion." She wanders toward the counter and nods appreciatively. "Goodie bag loot?" She pokes around, "Usual haul here. Funky erasers, balloons, slinkies, bubbles. Oh!" she exclaims and grabs a small oddly-shaped gizmo, "Fidget spinners!? Where did you find these? I've been dying for one!"

Chloe laughs, "My mom sent a whole box - take one. She heard all the kids are going crazy for them."

Dark chocolate eyes go wide as she spins the plastic toy, "Really?! Oh, dude, thanks!" She looks around at the loot as she spins the toy between her fingers, "So, you want some help stuffing the bags?"

Chloe nods, "That would be great, thanks. Dan is bringing Trixie home from her soccer game and they'll be here in about half an hour. Guests arrive in 2 hours. The cake is in the fridge, pizza is ordered and I paid an out of work actor to dress up like a Martian and come tell stories." She laughs, "I paid him extra to call her 'Madame President' the whole time."

Ella's eyes go wider as her mouth gapes, "Oh man, you are the COOLEST mom!" A manic light glimmers in her eyes as her face splits into a grin, "HEY! Can I teach her friends how to sing "Happy Birthday" to her in Klingon?" she asks excitedly.

Chloe's eyes bulge as the other woman bursts into a rough, growling tune.

 _DuQuchmoHjaj qoSlIj._  
 _DuQuchmoHjaj qoSlIj._  
 _DaHjaj bIQuchjaaaaaaaaj Trixie..._  
 _DuQuchmoHjaj qoSlIj._

"Um..." she stammers, "Ella. That was...let's not, okay?" She backpedals at the woman's crestfallen expression, "Just...it might be...um, you know...hard for 8 and 9 year olds to get it to sound right." She gestures to indicate Ella's general person, "You know, not having as much practice...speaking...um...Klingon as you do."

Ella nods sagely, "Yeah. You're probably right. It'll just sound like a bunch little girls growling." She emphasizes her understanding of the possibilities by actually growling nonsense. "That could be fun, but your monkey might feel like she missed out on having her birthday song."

Chloe exhales as she nods, "Exactly."

"So!" Ella exclaims as she walks to the peninsula and starts sorting loot for goody bags, "When do you want me to do the face-painting?"

"I was thinking after the cake," comes the reply as the detective joins her, "so they don't mess it up while eating..."

==============================

Three and a half hours later, Chloe stands back with a smile as she watches Ella put the final touches on Trixie's face-paint. The smile falters when her demonic roommate comes slamming into the apartment. _Ooooh no..._

Maze stops short when she sees Ella sitting in the middle of ten little girls, all painted up like...demons? In spite of the challenging day she's had, she can't help but flash a grim smile at the apparent tribute, "Hello, minions," she growls softly.

Ten little heads turn in her direction then one of them gets up and runs over, "Maze!" comes a familiar voice. The parasite captures her in what Maze has been told is something called a 'hug' and squeezes tightly.

Maze wrinkles her nose as she flinches, then gives the creature a tentative sniff. "Oh, it's you, little human." She carefully returns the squeeze then looks down with curiosity, "What happened to your face?"

Trixie releases her favorite partner in crime and points to the center of the room, "Ella did face-painting! Isn't it cool? Do you want her to do yours?"

The demon shakes her head, "I do my own face."

"Aawwww," the girl pouts then takes a closer look, "Why are you dirty?"

Maze looks down and shrugs, "Just took down some human scum-bag in the middle of a construction site." She steps back, "I'm going to get a shower." She juts her chin at her roommate, "Hey, Decker, don't be too loud. I'm tired!"

Satisfied appropriate orders are given for her to not be disturbed further by the infestation of maggots in the apartment, the demon swipes a slice of cake off the table then climbs the stairs to her room two at a time.

An hour later, the demon is irritated by a gentle tap on her bedroom door, "Maze?" Chloe calls. She rolls her eyes as she puts her toy down and gets off the bed. She flings the door open and glares, "What is it, Decker?" she snarls.

Chloe's blue eyes pop wide open and she can't help but stare at her roommate, "You're naked."

"And?" comes the demon's reply. "I was busy with my new toy. You wanna join in?" She licks her lips as her posture shifts invitingly, "Or you just wanna watch?"

The detective shakes her head and closes her eyes to re-center herself, "No. There are 10 little girls downstairs and you're..."

Maze laughs, "Oh come on, you should just be happy I'm being quiet about it." Her gaze slides over the other woman, "So, what do you want?"

Chloe sighs and looks into the demon's face, "Ella and I got called in on a double homicide and we have to go. The storyteller just got here and the other parents are coming to get their girls in a couple of hours. Can you...?"

Maze rolls her eyes, "You want me to watch ten squealing parasites while they listen to someone tell them lies?"

"Storyteller, Maze," Chloe clarifies. "After a couple of hours, it will just be you and Trix. Then you can watch that awful horror movie you two love so much."

The demon huffs and rolls her eyes, "Fine, Decker." She moves to step out of her room but Chloe stops her.

"Where are you going?" the detective demands.

Maze allows her irritation to show on her face, "Downstairs to babysit, duh."

"You're still naked, Maze," Chloe helpfully points out.

"And?"

Dark blonde eyebrows raise to the middle of her roommate's head as bright blue eyes widen with expectation. Enticing lips draw together into a tight line as she lowers her chin.

Mom face.

Maze's eyes roll again and are momentarily fixed on the ceiling, "FINE," she huffs before stalking back into her room. A thought crosses her mind and a sinister grin slides across her face, "I'll be down in a minute." She pauses at the look on Chloe's face, "wearing clothes."

===================

An hour later, Lucifer barges into the door of Chloe and Maze's apartment. He stops short, his eyes wide as he takes in the scene: Ten female spawn made up to resemble local culture's "sugar skull" motif standing around the living space, eye cast up at Maze - who is on a ladder above them. Hanging a duct-tape-wrapped male human from the ceiling. The Detective's spawn is holding the demon's bo staff.

"Mazikeen?" he asks as he steps into the room. "Whatever are you doing?"

Maze smiles from her perch on the ladder. She gives the human a push to test the strength of the rope holding him. "It's the small human's birthday and she wanted a pinata!" The spawn start cheering and bouncing in response.

Lucifer pauses for a long moment then exhales softly as he reaches for the staff, "My apologies, Spawn, but I fear your mother would most definitely not approve."

A loud "aaaawwwww" rises from the children and he scowls them into silence while he looks around, "Speaking of, where IS your mother?" His gaze falls on Maze again and he gestures in irritation, "And, Maze, release the...pinata."

"Aw, come on, Lucifer," she pouts. "When have you ever shied away from fun?"

Dark eyebrows come down as he gestures toward the children, "I don't. But I also don't court disaster, which this would swiftly become if The Detective were to find out about it." He huffs, "You and your...Legion of Terror simply must find another way to entertain yourselves."

Her growl is low and imperceptible to human ears, but Lucifer hears it, "FINE," she grouses as she whips out a blade and cuts the rope in one smooth motion. The storyteller hits the floor with a 'thump.' He rolls on the floor groaning then Maze pulls the duct tape off his mouth.

He looks at Lucifer, his eyes wide, "Call the cops, man. She's crazy! I'm going to have her arrested for assault!"

Lucifer gives a soft smile as he reaches behind the man to carefully untie him, "Now, now, my dear. No need for all that, is there?" He catches the man's eyes and extends his will. _Need to be careful with this since I have an audience._ "Tell me, darling, what is it you desire, hmmm?"

The storyteller blinks, "I want to be an actor! A REAL actor! On TV and stuff. I thought this gig would help me meet the right people, but..." he trails off.

Satan smiles gently and rests a hand on the man's shoulder, "It seems you have, finally, met the right person, darling. If you forget about this little...adventure...I'll introduce you to some people who owe me favors, alright?"

A great smile splits the man's face and he nods vigorously, "Oh, yeah! That would be great!" He fishes a card from his pocket and hands it to Lucifer. "Here's my contact information. Thank you. THANK YOU!" Eyes still glazed, he turns away and shuffles out the door.

Lucifer rolls his eyes, pockets the card and turns back to Maze, "I hope you're happy now, Maze. I'll have to burn one of my favors to clean up this little mess." He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, "And I was so looking forward to attending the Oscars with Meryl Streep so I bask in the glory of how over-rated she is."

He looks at the children to see ten pairs of eyes staring back at him, "What?" he demands.

One of them cocks her head and he recognizes her as soon as he catches her eye, "Yes, Spawn?"

"Lucifer, are you a magician?" she asks. "Mommy thought so but she wasn't sure."

His eyebrows go up, "She did, did she? Do tell."

She shrugs, "She said you could do stuff. And...since you chased away our storyteller..."

The child's question is cut off by Maze's snort of laughter. The demon turns and walks away, "I'm going to make some coffee. This is going to be good."

Lucifer shifts uncomfortably, "Well, I'm not a...magician...exactly..."

"But you can DO stuff, right?" the relentless interrogation is joined by a riot of choruses from the other children, "Yeah! Can you?"

He flashes a panicked look at Maze, "A little help?"

She shrugs again, "We could play cards instead."

Lucifer brightens as he reaches into his breast pocket for a thick sheaf of bills, "Brilliant idea, Maze!" He gracefully lowers himself to the floor and gestures for the girls to do the same, "Who wants to learn to play poker?"

"Is that like Crazy Eights?" a gangly blonde with a missing front tooth asks. "I'm really good at that, I beat my mom all the time," she reports proudly.

He and Maze exchange a look then he nods, "Perhaps...child." Lucifer deals the cards then divides the money evenly, "You keep whatever is directly in front of you at the end of the game." He spends a few minutes explaining the rules and how to place bets until everyone reports they understand.

================

An hour later, half of the girls were busted out of the game and singing karaoke with Maze. The cake is all gone and empty coffee mugs litter the living room while another three girls romp around, jumping on the furniture with towel-capes fastened to the back of their clothes. "I'm Wonder Woman!" cried a black girl as she leaps off the back of the couch, the beads in her braids sparkle in the sunshine streaming through the apartment's skylight. She reaches for the whip she borrowed from Maze, "Beware my lasso of truth!"

Lucifer snickers at the little girl, "Have at them, darling. If more people were like me and never lie, such a device would never be needed."

Another dark-haired girl laughs as she jumps from the sofa to a chair to avoid floor-lava, "All grown-ups lie, Mr. Lucifer."

"Royal flush!" he hears a triumphant Trixie crow behind him. "Pay up, Lucifer!" she cheers.

"Bloody Hell," he grouses as he hands over the rest of his cash. "Seems you've learned this game too well, Spawn. Has Maze taught you to cheat already?" Then he turns to the other girl, "And I do not lie, you little cretin."

She snickers, unimpressed, "Suuuuure. That's what all grown-ups say until we kids ask questions about stuff they don't want us to know about."

Dark eyebrows raise to the middle of Satan's forehead, "Perhaps they are simply trying to protect you from information you don't need yet, child. Haven't considered that, have you?"

She huffs, "All I asked was if Santa Claus is real." The girl's eyes grow large and many other small heads turn in their direction as if by magic, "Is he?"

"Of course not," Lucifer scoffs. "I mean, he was. Saint Nicholas was certainly real but that was a long time ago. His soul has been in Heaven for a long, long time. Modern parents simply trot him out each winter as a lesson to teach you ungrateful little maggots about the importance of generosity and such."

Another little girl on the side of the room starts crying and Maze frowns at Lucifer, "NOW look what you've done, you idiot."

 _Oh Bloody Hell._ He looks to Trixie, his dark eyes wide in panic, "How do I make it stop, Spawn?" he asks in a stage whisper.

Trixie shakes her head and waves him off, "I've got this, Lucifer." She trots to the other side of the room and lays an arm over the shoulder of her distraught friend. "Here's the deal, Sarah. Santa isn't real, but you still get presents. It's just that, now you know they come from your parents."

Fat tears drip down Sarah's face as she wipes her running nose with the hem of her Rogue One t-shirt, "I will?" she asks hopefully.

Trixie nods emphatically, "Yeah! I found out last year and _still_ got loads of presents. You don't have to tell your parents you know yet, though. They like doing the whole Santa thing."

Sarah scrubs her face as the tears stop and nods her head with a weak smile, "Okay. I can do that."

Lucifer glances at Maze and they share a 'what the Hell just happened?' look. The demon shrugs as she opens her mouth to speak.

Then the doorbell rings and one of the parents arrives to collect their daughter. Trixie runs to the counter and grabs a bag before handing to her departing friend. "Thanks for coming, Cindy!" she gushes as she gives the girl a warm hug.

One by one, Trixie's friends go home, leaving her alone with the Hellions.

Lucifer huffs as he stands to leave, "Very well, I'll leave the two of you to your evening."

Trixie runs over and grapples him around the waist, giving him a good squeeze. "Thank you for coming to my birthday party, Lucifer!" She smiles as she looks fondly at Maze, then back to the Lord of Hell, "And thanks for saving the storyteller. Maze got a little excited after Cindy asked about having a pinata."

He smirks, "Understandably so, Spawn. Who doesn't love to whack things with sticks?"

While Trixie closes the door behind Lucifer, Maze flops onto the couch with the TV remote and pats the cushion next to her, "Come on, small human. Let's watch Nightmare On Elm Street again."

Trixie looks around at the mess, "We should clean up, Maze. Mom's going to be tired when she gets back. And then she'll get mad. Then we won't get to have _any_ fun."

The demon huffs and pats the cushion harder, "I'll take care of it later. It's your birthday. No chores for you today."

Happy to be let off the hook, Trixie bounces onto the couch and snuggles up to Maze. She gives her best grown-up friend a tight hug, "Thank you, Maze."

======================

Four hours later, Chloe returns to the apartment and feels her blood pressure go up at the mess. She walks carefully around toy packaging, candy wrappers, empty coffee cups, and fidget spinners.

When she finally makes it into the living room area, she smiles at the sight of her daughter once again curled up with her roommate, both of them snuggled into each other, deeply asleep.

She looks at the TV, _How many times have they watched this?_ She wonders as she reaches for the remote. After clicking the television off, she fluffs a blanket over them and quietly walks upstairs to her bed.


End file.
